How to actually ask someone if they’re OK, and how to respond if they’re not

With R U OK? Day coming up on Thursday 12 September, it’s a good time to go over just how to ask someone if they are OK, and how to respond if they say “not really”.

RBWH Culture and Wellbeing Coordinator Anna Jonsson says people in your life won’t always tell you if something is not OK, so it’s important to ask R U OK? any day and make it part of your everyday relationships with friends, family, and colleagues.

“By opening up the conversation, it can help someone to find appropriate support and stop small problems from becoming bigger problems. Sometimes people just need someone to lend a listening ear,” Anna says.

Here’s her step-by-step guide on how to go about checking on someone, and how to help them if they need it.

1. Ask R U OK?

• Pick your moment, the time and place is important for everyone to be comfortable.
• If now doesn’t suit, organise a time that does.
• If they don’t want to talk, that’s OK, let them know you’re there for them if or when they need.

1. Listen

• Be ready to listen, really listen.
• Give them time.
• Don’t rush them, interrupt or jump in and try to solve their problems right away.

1. Encourage Action

• Help them to consider the next step that might lighten the load – talking to family, a trusted friend, their GP or another appropriate health professional.
• Suggest they try something that has worked for them or helped in the past if they’ve faced a similar challenge.
• Find out if something has worked for them in the past to help them relax or bring them joy.

1. Check in

• Check in again soon. You can plan this with them.
• Ask them if they’ve found ways to better manage their situation.
• Be understanding. It can take time.
• Stay in touch – genuine care and concern can make a real difference.

For anyone needing urgent help please consider calling triple-0 or 1300-MHCALL.