Kara completed the R U OK? training and has shared a R U OK? conversation that she had with a friend.

After the RUOK? training I was not confident that I could help anyone. However sometimes you don’t get a choice– you just have to.

Earlier in the year a good friend of mine was posting some really worrying comments online. She works in male dominated environment and was constantly being exposed to stories of bullying and harassment. While she had never spoken about experiencing it herself, I got a sense her work was really affecting her, she was not travelling well and this was a cry for help.

I called her straight away to figure out how she was doing. We spoke for an hour, there were a lot of tears and through the discussion she realised she was not ok. I remember thinking, I just need to keep her talking and when I have the right moment I will ask her if she has a solution or an insight into how to make this situation better.

To make things more difficult I couldn’t help directly because she is based in another state. However, just listening to her speak about her pain, grief and self-worth, I felt like I had made a difference. Once we has spoken I arranged others to call her with the message that she was an amazing friend and much appreciated in our lives. Thankfully that turned into an offer to stay with colleagues, avoiding any chance of her being alone with her own thoughts into the night.

I followed up with her the next day and she had returned to her normal good spirits. This short journey has passed but being there and encouraging her to take action with the support from our extended network made the difference. 

As a carer for someone with a disability, I was constantly asked how my family member was, how they were tracking, what they had been doing. It was a year into being a full-time carer that someone actually asked me how I was going. I was speechless, I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how I felt because for so long I had suppressed all of my feelings, believing they weren’t important. When I couldn’t find the words I just cried. 4 years on, I still struggle to verbalise how I am but because of someone starting the conversation, I am getting better.