How to: Listen

What does this look like?

Effective listeners:

• are attentive
• practise active listening
• patiently hear people out
• can accurately restate others’ opinions even with they disagree with them.

How can I do this?

1.    Assess how you listen

Take some time to reflect on how well you listen.

• Do you know how to actively listen?
• Do you practice active listening?
• Do you listen to everything people say or only some things?
• Do people thank you for listening to them or compliment you on your ability to listen?

2.    Practise the fundamentals

Here are some good, basic tips for listening well.

• Don’t speak or interrupt people unnecessarily.
• Make eye contact.
• Take notes.
• Don’t frown or fidget.
• Paraphrase what a person says and check that you’ve heard them correctly.
• Be courteous and respectful when you don’t agree with what someone’s saying.

3.    Be patient

• When someone hesitates or pauses, try not to suggest words or to finish their sentence.
• Don’t dismiss what someone’s saying with comments like:
  • ‘Yes, I know that’
  • ‘I know where you’re going’
  • ‘I’ve heard that before.’
• If you don’t have time to hear someone out, you could say something like, ‘let me see if I know where this is going … ‘ or ‘I wonder if we could summarise to save both of us some time?’
• Listen first, solve second. Avoid giving answers, solutions, conclusions, statements, and direction too early in the conversation.

4.    Ask questions

Good listeners ask lots of questions to make sure they understand an issue or problem. Ask questions to:

• probe for more information
• clarify what someone has said
• confirm you’ve heard correctly.

5.    Be aware of your biases

We often prefer to listen to some people more than others. As a manager, you need to listen to everybody. Think about:

• who you tend to listen to and not listen to
• why you listen to a particular person over another.

Challenge yourself to listen to those you don’t usually listen to. Listen for content and try to separate the content from the person.

6.    Manage the flow of conversation

If someone’s having trouble communicating, you can manage the flow of conversation by:

• gently intervening and summarising what someone is saying
• helping the other person to come up with examples, categories and structures
• showing that you’re interested to hear what the person is saying—e.g nod and ask questions.

7.    Dealing with unpleasant conversations

When you’re a manager, people will come to you with negative feedback that can be hard to hear. Try to:

• keep listening, even when a conversation turns negative
• stay calm and composed
• fully understand what the person is saying without jumping to conclusions
• let the person have their say without instantly reacting—listen, nod, ask questions
• suspend judgement
• separate the person from the feedback
• look for constructive ways to improve.

8.    Be aware of non-verbal cues

Your body language can suggest you’re not listening, even if you are. Try not to cross your arms, yawn or look around the room. Listen with your whole body.

If you’re not aware of your non-verbal cues, ask someone you trust what they are.

9.    Don’t judge

Try to listen without judging. It can help if you:

• listen to people you normally wouldn’t listen to
• think about another person’s strengths
• talk less and ask more questions
• avoid assuming what peoples’ motives and intentions are.

10. Take the lead

Sometimes you need to guide conversations to bring clarity and help resolve difficult issues. Here are some tips.

• If someone’s thinking is disorganised, you can help them clarify their thinking by politely interrupting and summarising what you think they’re saying.
• If people are talking about something irrelevant to the main issue, ask questions to focus the conversation.
• If someone wants to talk about a problem, they usually want to feel heard and understood. Try summarising what they say to show you understand, without necessarily offering advice.
• If someone regularly complains to you, try asking them to write down problems and possible solutions and then offer to discuss them.
• When someone complains about another person, suggest they speak with that person if possible. If that doesn’t work, summarise what they’ve said without agreeing or disagreeing.

You may find it hard to listen if you…

• are defensive
• feel too busy to listen
• don’t care what others think
• like to offer solutions or decisions before hearing what others have to say
• think about your response while a person is talking
• don’t reflect on your interactions with others
• tend to miss the point others are trying to make
• don’t like to listen to some groups or people.

Listening is ineffective when you…

• spending too much time listening and lose the opportunity to decide
• listen without taking necessary action
• think that listening means agreeing with someone.