How to: Maintain Your Composure

What does this look like?

A composed manager:

• is cool under pressure and can hold things together in a crisis
• doesn’t become defensive or irritated under stress
• doesn’t show frustration when they meet resistance
• responds maturely
• isn’t fazed by unexpected events
• has a calming influence on others.

How can I do this?

1.    Know your triggers

• Think about the times that you’ve lost composure. What was it that triggered negative emotions? It could be:
  • criticism
  • losing control
  • a certain kind of person
  • being taken by surprise
  • money pressure
  • being confronted with your own weaknesses.
• Ask yourself what the underlying problem is. For example, it may be:
  • pride
  • embarrassment
  • fear
  • feeling helpless.
• Think about healthier ways to respond to your triggers. Mentally and physically rehearse them. Try to practise them when you’re not under stress so you can respond positively in more challenging situations.

2.    Hold back your initial response

• When you’re feeling pressured or stressed, don’t say or do the first thing that occurs to you. Often your second or third response is a better option.
• Before responding, give yourself enough time to think of two alternative responses.
• Even if you decide that your first response is best, at least you’ve considered other options and haven’t acted on impulse.

3.    Buy time to calm down

• We don’t do our best thinking or make our best decisions when we’re feeling strong emotions. Take a minute to regain your composure after an emotional response is triggered.
• Practise delaying tactics such as:
  • grabbing a cup of coffee
  • going to the bathroom
  • collecting something from another place
  • asking a question and listening
  • writing something down
  • imagining yourself in a setting that calms you.

4.    Wait patiently

It can be hard to wait patiently when things aren’t happening as quickly as you’d like. Rather than give in to your feelings of impatience, try to:

• do something you enjoy while you wait
• tell yourself there’s little or nothing you can do about it
• force a smile or find something to laugh about.

5.    Be adaptable

Things often don’t go to plan, nor do we have control over all situations. Keep your composure by learning to be adaptable.

• Accept that things can’t always be perfect and that’s OK.
• Accept that plans will change and things don’t always go exactly as planned.
• Expect the unexpected. Set realistic timeframes that can accommodate unexpected delays.
• List worst-case scenarios and how you’d deal with them. You’ll be pleasantly surprised if they don’t eventuate and well prepared if they do.

6.    Don’t make it personal

• Don’t punish people or groups who trouble or upset you.
• Don’t become hostile, angry, sarcastic or vengeful.
• Rephrase criticisms as attacks on a problem, not on you personally. See criticism as an opportunity to learn.
• When people argue or complain, try asking them what they’d do if they were in your shoes.
• Try not to react to other people’s frustration.
• If others are being inflexible, try to understand why they might have such a strong position.
• Play out what would happen if their position was accepted.

7.    Resolve conflict calmly and objectively

• When talking to someone about something that’s impacted you, use ‘I’ statements. Talk about how their actions made you feel, for example, ‘I felt blindsided.’ Don’t assume the motives or feelings of others by telling them what they did, for example, ‘You blindsided me.’
• Take time to define a problem. Restate the problem in your own words and check everyone agrees.
• Let people finish without interrupting. Don’t finish others’ sentences.
• Ask clarifying questions.
• Ask people what they think.
• Suggest several solutions for debate.

8.    Manage your wellbeing

• If you’re feeling worried or stressed about work, write down what you’re concerned about. Choose someone you can trust to talk to. Reach out to Peer Responders, Metro North Health Staff Psychology or EAS if you need to.
• If you worry persistently and find it hard to focus on other things at work, try giving yourself an allocated time for worrying. For example, you could say to yourself ‘I’ll write this down now and think about it on my way home.’
• Train yourself to be in the present.
• Find strategies to improve your wellbeing. Refer to the Micro-Skill Guide on Staff Wellbeing and Resilience for some ideas.

You may find this challenging if you…

• are prone to angry outbursts and saying things you shouldn’t
• are easily overwhelmed and become emotional, defensive or withdrawn
• are defensive and sensitive to criticism
• are cynical or moody
• like control and perfection
• don’t respond well to surprises
• tend to unsettle and provoke others
• let your anger, frustration and anxiety show
• are doing too much.

You may be too calm and composed if you…

• don’t know how to show emotion appropriately
• are seen as cold and uncaring
• seem flat in situations where others show feelings
• can’t relate to people who are feeling oriented.