How to: Manage Conflict

What does this look like?

People who effectively manage conflict:

• view conflicts as opportunities
• can quickly assess situations
• listen well
• can negotiate difficult agreements and settle disputes equitably
• find common ground and get people to cooperate.

How can I do this?

1.    Seek cooperative relations

Try to maintain cooperative relationships by:

• always acting fairly
• letting go of the need to win every battle and take all the benefits
• focusing on common ground and win-win solutions
• being willing to compromise
• being flexible about your position and showing respect for others and their position

2.    Choose words appropriately

• How you speak can either calm or provoke conflict. Consider your words, timing and tone. Try to avoid:
• insensitive language
• raising your voice
• challenging language
• demeaning terms
• negative humour
• an accusing tone and comments.
• Give reasons first and solutions last. If you’re too quick with solutions, people might challenge them without defining the problem.
• Talk about problems not people. Describe the problem and the impact it has.

3.    Defuse heated situations

If you’re in a conflict situation, try to defuse it by:

• listening without reacting
• acknowledging what someone is saying and restating their position to show you understand
• asking clarifying questions
• asking open-ended questions such as:
  • ‘What’s one change that could be made to help us better achieve our objectives?’
  • ‘What could I do that would help the most?’

If someone comes to you with a rigid position, ask them to explain their position and why it’s fair. Discuss what would happen if their position was accepted and whether that would raise any concerns.

If someone attacks you, reframe it as an attack on the problem rather than a personal attack. If you’re threatened, you can respond by saying that you’ll only negotiate fairly and on merit. In some situations, it may be best to say nothing at all. This can prompt people to think again and adjust their position.

4.    Keys to resolving conflict

• Hear both sides—allow both sides to explain their position. Give them an allocated time to speak and to respond to each other (e.g 30 – 60 seconds). Ask people why they hold particular positions. If someone’s in conflict with you, listen to their perspective and restate their position to show you understand.
• Find common ground—in almost every conflict, there’s some common ground, which can get overlooked in the heat of the battle. Once both sides have been heard and understood, look for points of agreement—common goals, priorities and challenges. Write them down.
• Define the problem in concrete terms—the more specific and detailed a problem is, the easier it is to solve. If people make vague complaints like, ‘we don’t trust your unit’, ask for reasons and specific examples of actions that have eroded trust. Separate facts from opinions and assumptions.
• Look for concessions—explore things that both sides can do or give up, to help resolve a conflict. Think about what each side needs and what each side can offer.
• Explore solutions—generate a variety of possible solutions.
• Agree on how to move forward—if the parties can’t agree on a solution, at least agree on a procedure for moving forward. It might be helpful to appoint a third-party arbitrator to help break a stalemate.

5.    Stay calm

Although it can be hard, try to stay calm in conflict situations. Try not to show your impatience or annoyance with your body language. It can help to:

• focus on the problem rather than people
• focus on facts and avoid personal clashes
• look at common interests and underlying concerns
• try to understand peoples’ feelings
• put yourself in other peoples’ shoes—try to restate their position and advocate for it for a minute.

If you lose your composure, pause and collect yourself.

6.    Review how you’ve handled conflict in the past

It takes time and practice to learn how to handle conflict effectively. Reflect on times you’ve managed conflict in the past and learn from your mistakes. Ask yourself:

• when have you not handled conflict well?
• are there common themes to those situations?
• are the same or similar people involved?
• have they involved the same kinds of issues?

Identify things you can do differently to manage conflict more effectively in the future.

7.    Understand the politics within the organisation

Sometimes you can avoid or better manage conflict if you have a good understanding of how the organisation works—who the decision makers and influencers are, and what’s important to them. Find out where resistance comes from and where you can go for help and support.

You may find this challenging if you…

• avoid conflict at all costs
• give in to keep peace
• would rather allow problems to fester than deal with them
• want to please everyone
• are easily upset and offended
• are unable to stay with conflict until there’s a resolution
• get into conflict by accident
• are highly competitive and have to win
• don’t like to negotiate

You’re not managing conflict effectively if you…

• are overly assertive and aggressive
• find yourself regularly in the middle of other peoples’ problems
• drive for a solution before others are ready
• don’t allow open debate
• are giving too much time to obstinate people and unsolvable problems.