How to: Be Approachable

What does this look like?

An approachable manager:

• is easy to talk to
• puts people at ease
• listens
• builds rapport
• is warm, pleasant, and gracious
• is sensitive to others
• gathers information.

How can I do this?

1.    Take the initiative

• Be first to extend your hand.
• Be first to make eye contact (provided this is culturally appropriate).
• Initiate conversation. Ask questions.

2.    Listen well

• Listen without interrupting.
• Show that you’re listening e.g. nod or take notes.
• Try to understand what someone’s saying and ask clarifying questions if you need to.
• Restate what the other person has said to show you’ve understood.
• Don’t make quick judgments.
• Don’t offer advice or solutions unless it’s clear they’re wanted.

3.    Share

When it’s appropriate and helpful:

• share information—others are more likely to share with you in return
• share what you’re thinking about an issue and ask others what they’re thinking
• disclose some things about yourself—it’s easier for people to relate to you if they know a bit about you.

4.    Connect

• Remember important things about the people you work with.
• Challenge yourself to find out three things about others, such as their interests or their family.
• Find common ground and topics to talk about other than work.

5.    Watch your non-verbal cues

Your nonverbal cues or ‘body language’ can speak louder than your words. Remember to:

• smile (when appropriate)
• be calm and speak in a pleasant, peaceful tone
• show you’re listening by keeping eye contact and nodding
• keep an open body posture by not crossing your arms or legs
• avoid disruptive habits like speaking too fast or forcefully, using strongly worded or loaded language, or going into too much detail
• look interested—avoid glancing at your watch, fiddling with paperwork or giving cues that you’re busy.

6.    Ask open questions

Avoid the temptation to share your own thoughts or solutions early in a conversation. Instead, ask more questions.

• Ask open questions like ‘What if…?’, ‘What do you think about…?’, or ‘How do you see that?’
• Keep probing until you really understand what someone’s trying to tell you.

7.    Be universally approachable

It’s normal to feel more comfortable around some people than others. As a manager though, it’s important that everyone finds you approachable.

• Think about what makes you uncomfortable around others. Is it their level, style, gender, race or background?
• Make the effort to be approachable, even when you’re not comfortable.

8.    Help people feel comfortable

• Try not to react sharply and always give answers, solutions and opinions. Let others have their say.
• Learn to observe and read people. Do they look uncomfortable? Are they stammering, cringing, backing away or standing at the door, not wanting to come in?
• If people seem uncomfortable, make an effort to put them at ease. You could:
  • ask a question about something unrelated
  • offer them a drink
  • share something personal.

9.    Overcoming shyness

There’s no doubt some of these things are harder to do when you feel shy, but practice can make them easier. Challenge yourself to go outside your comfort zone and:

• initiate contact
• ask the first question
• talk to strangers outside work
• meet someone new at a social event and find out what you have in common.

Try not to focus on how awkward you feel. Think about what went well.

10. The downside of approachability

Being approachable sometimes means people come to you more often with complaints. Here are some things you can do.

• If someone’s angry, given them a chance to vent their feelings without saying anything except that you know they’re upset. It’s hard for most people to continue for long with no encouragement or resistance.
• If someone’s a chronic complainer, ask them to write down their problems and solutions and come back to you to discuss. This helps them own the problem, be solutions oriented and hopefully move forward.
• When someone complains about another person, encourage them to talk to the other person if they haven’t already. If that doesn’t work, summarise what they’ve said without agreeing or disagreeing. If you’re their line manager or supervisor, let them know what your obligations are when they vent to you.
• Take control of your time. If you don’t have time for a conversation, gently interrupt and summarise what’s been said. Ask the person to think more about the issue and arrange another time to continue the conversation.

You may find this challenging if you…

• lack interpersonal skills
• lack self-confidence
• feel too busy to stop and make connections
• aren’t comfortable with people you don’t know
• are introverted
• don’t like to reveal things about yourself
• find it hard to listen
• aren’t sensitive to social cues that others would recognise
• tend to think you’re better than others
• tend to judge others.

Being approachable becomes ineffective when…

• you spend too much time building rapport in meetings
• you’re misinterpreted as being easy to influence
• you’re driven by the need to be liked
• you avoid necessary but negative or unpleasant interactions
• you try to smooth over real issues and problems.

Feedback to: DevelopingYou@health.qld.gov.au