What is domestic and family violence?

In the Queensland Domestic and Family Violence Protection Act 2012, domestic violence means behaviour by a person (the first person) towards another person (the second person) with whom the first person is in a relevant relationship that—

1. is physically or sexually abusive; or
2. is emotionally or psychologically abusive; or
3. is economically abusive; or
4. is threatening; or
5. is coercive; or
6. in any other way controls or dominates the second person and causes the second person to fear for the second person’s safety or wellbeing or that of someone else.

Domestic and family violence can affect people of all cultures, religions, ages, genders, sexual orientations, educational backgrounds and income levels.

The violence cycle

The cycle of violence theory can help to understand how domestic and family violence may change over time. While the theory is a helpful tool, the cycle is not the same for everyone. Some people may experience all, some, or none of the stages in various orders.

The build-up phase

This phase may begin with normal relations between the people in the relationship, but involves escalating tension marked by increased verbal, emotional or financial abuse. In non-violent relationships these issues can normally be resolved between the people in the relationship.

The stand over phase

This phase can be extremely frightening for people affected by domestic and family violence.The behaviour of the person who uses violence in relationships escalates to the point that a release of tension is inevitable.The person affected may feel that they are ‘walking on egg shells’ and fear that anything they do will cause the situation to deteriorate further.

Explosion

The explosion stage marks the peak of violence in the relationship. It is the height of abuse by the person who uses violence to control and have power over others.  The person who commits domestic and family violence experiences a release of tension during an explosion phase, which may become addictive. They may be unable to deal with their anger any other way.

The remorse phase

At the remorse stage, the person who uses domestic and family violence in their relationship feels ashamed of their behaviour. They retreat and become withdrawn from the relationship. They try and justify their actions to themselves and to others, unaware they are actually addicted to the release they have just experienced.

The pursuit phase

At this stage, the person who uses domestic and family violence in relationships promises to the other person affected, never to be violent again. They may try to make up for their past behaviour during this period and say that other factors have caused them to be violent, for example, work stress, drugs, or alcohol. The violent offender may purchase gifts, and give the person affected attention. Also, the violent offender may go through a dramatic personality change. The person affected by the violence will feel hurt, but possibly relieved that the violence is over.

The honeymoon phase

During the honeymoon phase of the cycle of violence, both people in the relationship may be in denial as to how bad the abuse and violence was. Both people do not want the relationship to end, so are happy to ignore the possibility that the violence could occur again.

After some time, this stage will fade and the cycle may begin again.